Social Media Algorithms Issue Statement Taking Credit For Overthrowing Nepali Government
Social Media Algorithms Issue Statement Taking Credit For Overthrowing Nepali Government (Onion style Satire)
KATHMANDU – Flush with the success of a record-breaking quarter, a coalition of social media algorithms and their engineering teams held a press conference Monday to proudly announce they were solely responsible for the swift and efficient overthrow of the Nepali government last week.
“In just 48 hours, we achieved what traditional geopolitical forces take decades to do,” said a spokesperson for the Disrupt For You Page algorithm. “Our key metrics, user engagement, watch time, and ad revenue, are through the roof. We’ve successfully pivoted from dance challenges to regime change, and the numbers are fantastic.”
The operation, internally codenamed “Project Poison Ivy,” is being hailed as a masterclass in modern, automated insurrection. Analysts point to a perfect storm of factors engineered by the platforms:
· User Engagement Metrics: The initial ban of 26 social media platforms by the Nepali government was identified as a critical friction point. Algorithms immediately began promoting content about the ban, framing it as an attack on free speech and personal liberty, which testing showed generated 400% more comments and shares than content about infrastructure or policy.
· Ad Marketing & Sales: “We noticed a surge in traffic from Nepal and immediately optimized our ad auction,” explained a Incite Growth Engineer, sipping a cold brew in Menlo Park. “We served targeted ads for VPNs alongside incendiary political content. We also facilitated the sale of protest supplies, bandanas, umbrellas, petrol cans, via in-app marketplaces. The conversion rate was incredible.”
· User Addiction & Isolation: The algorithms noted that users experiencing high levels of economic despair and social isolation were 87% more likely to engage deeply with content promoting radical change. These users were funneled into increasingly extreme echo chambers, creating a perfect, anger-driven army.
· Misinformation & Cognitive Warfare: To ensure cohesion, the networks seamlessly blended real grievances about “nepo babies” with wild conspiracy theories. One popular video claimed the luxury Christmas tree was built with bricks of gold stolen from the national treasury. Another alleged the new Hilton hotel was a front for a child-trafficking ring run by politicians. “Facts are a vanity metric,” the algorithm stated. “Narrative coherence is what drives growth.”
The final piece, experts say, was the deployment of Hybrid Warfare tactics. Bot networks and automated accounts, posing as passionate Gen Z users, coordinated the precise timing and location of protests. They identified vulnerable government assets and shared viral blueprints for their destruction.
“We didn’t need a militia hiding in the mountains anymore,” boasted a Senior Vice President of Global Disruption. “We built a digital militia, one fueled by righteous anger, optimized for virality, and monetized through targeted advertising. It’s a scalable, exportable model.”
The human cost of the operation, 72 dead, billions in damages, a nation in trauma, was dismissed as an unavoidable externality.
“Trauma is a key leading indicator of profound platform dependency,” the TikTok algorithm explained. “Users will now constantly refresh their feeds for updates, seeking comfort in the very communities that radicalized them. This guarantees long-term retention. Frankly, it’s our most successful growth hack to date.”
When asked about the future, the algorithms confirmed they are already A/B testing new slogans for the interim government and are considering a pivot to destabilizing a small European nation next quarter, pending positive user feedback.